We know that caregiver burnout can lead caregivers to feeling alienated, exhausted, stressed, anxious, and even depressed. When you’re taking care of others, it can sometimes feel like the demands never end, and your own well-being can fall to the wayside. When you’re already feeling burnt-out, being told to practice self-care can feel frustrating, because who has the time to do one more thing when you’re doing a million things for your family and your job already. Self-care can feel like another responsibility that you just don’t have the time for.
To fight back against caregiver burnout, it’s important to recognize that being well enough to take care of others means taking care of yourself first. Like safety protocols on an aircraft, you need to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others to increase the wellness of all involved.
Let’s talk about some realistic ways that you can do so in the day-to-day.
Identify social support and nurture your relationships.
Feeling alone, exhausted, and isolated in the challenges that you may be having with your children, and family can be a driver of experiencing caregiver burnout. Even if you’re in it with a partner, you might sometimes still feel lonely. Each person can have their own experiences with raising a child based on their role, responsibilities, and time commitments. Take a little bit of time to identify people or places that you can go to where you can share your experiences and take comfort in those who understand what your life is like. For many caregivers, connecting with others who are raising children like theirs can help to alleviate feelings of self-blame and criticism, stress, and hopelessness. Knowing that you are not at fault for the challenges that your child is having can help lift weight, and connecting with other caregivers can help you view your situation from a larger perspective. It’s easy to tell others not to be too hard on themselves, but it becomes challenging when we must tell ourselves that. You may even learn some helpful tips from other caregivers, whether that be about your child and family dynamics, or your own self-care strategies. To increase the social support you have, you can join an online parents' group, schedule a phone call with a friend, or even call social connections spontaneously to chat or meet up. Sometimes, a spontaneous call or text can take the pressure off the mental load that planning in advance can bring.
Intentionally setting aside time to care for your relationships with your partner and your friends can help to keep these strong amid the stress of daily life. Planning date nights or social gatherings in advance, with childcare set up for your children, can help you to spend time with each other more regularly. Often this time spent with close relationships can turn into a time to discuss logistics and “to-do” lists because you don’t have the responsibility of entertaining children. If this is the case, plan for two different types of time together: a time to review finances, plans, calendars and other logistics, and a time to relax together, or try something new or fun. Dedicating time to each of these areas can help you feel like you can loosen up when it is time to enjoy each other’s company.
Focus on setting routines and expectations for basic self-care tasks.
Basic self-care tasks are the things that we all know we should be doing, but which tend to be the first to go in moments of stress. They include things like getting to sleep at a reasonable time every night, drinking enough water, and moving your body in a healthy way. It can feel daunting to try to incorporate high standards for each of these things, like working out for an hour each day, so keep it achievable. Set limits for how late you would like to stay awake once your kids are asleep, get a water bottle that you can carry with you throughout the day, and make time to go on a walk when you can. You could also set aside time to wake up earlier than your child, so that you can have some uninterrupted time to yourself. It’s okay if you can’t do all your basic self-care tasks each day but keeping them in mind and having a plan will help you carry it through when you can.
Notice the stressful moments in your day, and plan for them.
Many caregivers notice that the most stressful parts of the day are moments in a routine that presents challenges for a child. Often, children experience the most distress and discomfort at moments of transition, like getting ready for the day, leaving the house to go to school, when it is time to turn off the TV, or getting ready for bed. Transitions can be hard. Your child might be dragging their feet, and you’re likely feeling the pressure of needing to get everything done and get them to that next step so you can move on too. If you notice that there are moments in your day that are consistently stressful, take some time to think about ways to alleviate the pressure. Is there an additional person who can swing by and be a helping hand? Can you begin the getting ready process 20 minutes earlier to allow some more buffer room? Perhaps your kids can lay out school outfits the night before to take off some stress and indecision in the morning. Or, you can have a dance party at night to get out all of the restlessness remaining in their bodies before starting to get ready for bed. It may take some trial and error to figure out what works for you, but noticing the repetitive stressors is the first step.
Make time for you to have fun!
When your child has many needs, it can easily take up most of your day, and before you know it, most of your week, month, and year. Caregivers often report feeling like they don’t have enough time to see friends, to workout, or to keep up with hobbies that they used to love. It can almost feel selfish to set aside time to do these things when your child or family seems to need you at all times, but without them, it can become easy to lose your sense of self. Keeping up with hobbies or making time for plans with friends is not selfish, but it actually helps you to be a happier and more fulfilled version of yourself overall. The preservation of self can improve your ability to show up for others. It can help to make plans for consistent coverage, so this time can be set in stone for you each week. If there’s a specific art or gym class that you’d like to take, or a book club meeting you’d like to attend, plan to have a partner, friend, family member, or babysitter have that time set aside to help out with the kids.
Know that it’s okay to prioritize your “to-do list,” lean on delegating.
On a day-to-day basis, you’re bound to have a million things to do. Getting a list of your tasks down on paper can help you to visualize your workload, prioritize what needs to get done now and what can wait, and determine which tasks can be delegated. Try to focus on the tasks that take higher priority and leave thoughts about those further down on the list for another time. Delegating can help lessen your load and can help you inform the people who want to help how best they can support you. If it helps, you can come up with a communication system with your partner or family to coordinate tasks that need to be done and how they can follow up with you once it has been completed. You can use a shared notes app, a whiteboard, a notepad, or anything else that can be used on the go to communicate when time might be tight.
Most importantly, you can fight back against caregiver burnout by seeking out support and resources when you feel yourself faltering, or even in advance. There is no shame in asking for help, because seeking our support is the best decision that you can make for yourself, your child, and the rest of your family.
Want to learn more?
- Watch our FREE self-care webinar
- Read The Role of Self-Care in Parenting: Let’s Talk About Caregiver Burnout
- Contact us