The months from November to January are widely regarded as the holiday season in the United States, and families from many different cultures celebrate holidays in different ways throughout this period. However, there are some holidays that may feel like they overshadow others in the majority culture of our society. For example, Christmas movies will be on TV, Santa will be in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, and Christmas music will be playing in the mall. This can be frustrating for adults who wish to see their culture and traditions represented, and it can be confusing for kids who are trying to figure out what their relationship is to the season and to the world in the lens of their own family and culture. Some children may experience teasing for not celebrating the dominant holiday, or they may feel left out or ashamed by not engaging in the same holiday traditions as their peers. For young kids, seeing signs of the dominant holiday all around them in these months, but not having that incorporated into the family environment can be emotionally challenging, and it is important to have open conversations with your kids about the reasons why your traditions might be different. It’s also important to share with your kids deeper insights about your family values and the way it impacts your relationship to holidays, and to help your child develop the skills to handle the holiday season with pride for their own culture and in ways that still allow them to build and engage with community.
Sometimes, as adults, we forget to fully explain our thought processes to kids. It can be easy to fall into the trap of assuming that they will pick up on the cultural differences between themselves and their peers. Especially for young kids, it can help to be explicit about the reasons why you celebrate holidays in a specific way, and what that means to your family. Teaching your child about your holiday traditions and even explaining why you don’t celebrate the dominant holiday, can help your child understand why things might be different for them than for their friends. The more information a child has, the more confident they can feel in explaining their traditions to others and be able to find value in their differences. Kids also might face some teasing or feel ostracized by other kids for not celebrating the dominant holiday. Having the information to explain to other kids why they don’t do things the same way can help your child feel like they are able to stand up for themselves. You can even help your child prepare for more challenging conversations like this by role-playing and practicing at home. With your help, they can be thoughtful and respectful in their responses while standing up for their culture.
There are often so many public events, shows, or activities that center around the dominant holidays during the winter season. Kids might feel like they don’t get all of the same opportunities to have fun and engage with community that those who celebrate the dominant holiday do. To counteract this feeling of being left out, be intentional about creating time and activities for your child to engage with their own culture and holiday celebrations in a fun way throughout this time. You can try to find books that highlight your holiday, identify movies that share values, and come up with crafts for your child to do in relationship to the holiday. You can also seek out opportunities for community engagement around your holiday, even if they might be harder to locate than those for the dominant holiday. Or you can involve your child in the process of sharing your culture and holiday with their own peers who might even celebrate the dominant holiday. Plan a party with your kid for their friends, so that they can share the parts of the holiday that they like the most, like yummy foods, fun songs, or other traditions. Help your child explain to their friends why your family eats these foods or does these activities to help build understanding for differences within their social group.
Additionally, it’s important to remember that you can’t shield your child from the dominant holidays. Instead of being disengaged from the majority during this season, encourage them to be curious about the holiday. You can educate them about other holidays while also imparting your cultural and familial values. By role modeling curiosity about other holidays, you also show them how you would like others to respect your own traditions. You can even help them build connections across cultures by modeling how to identify shared values across holidays. For example, a holiday value of your own might be spending time with family, which can be a shared value across holidays in other cultures as well.
Ultimately, it can be hard to be a kid who doesn’t celebrate the majority holiday, but caregivers can play a wonderful supporting role in helping them to embrace their differences, respect others, and build cultural awareness and connection.