Parenting can be stressful, regardless of your own relationship with mental health and anxiety. For caregivers that experience their own anxiety, managing anxious thoughts and behaviors can be an important factor to address considering that anxiety often has a genetic component. If a child’s caregiver experiences higher levels of anxiety, the child may be more likely to experience elevated levels of anxiety as well. Children also learn by modeling caregiver’s behaviors, so interactions between caregivers and their children are important in setting the groundwork for a healthy relationship with anxiety. If you are a caregiver that experiences your own anxiety, here are some tips for parenting through anxious moments.
Try to model healthy ways of managing anxiety
Kids are always watching the ways that their parents are behaving or interacting with the world in order to develop an understanding of how they should navigate their surroundings. Modeling healthy ways of managing anxiety can teach kids skills for anxiety management, and normalize the need to do so, from a young age. If you are feeling anxious while with your child, it could be useful for both you and your child to pause and engage with some relaxation skills. You can pick any skill or strategy that you have to help yourself calm down. This could look like deep breathing, meditating, tensing and then relaxing your muscles, or anything else that works for you. In this process, you can even calmly narrate to your child what it is that you’re doing, and why. Providing this narration of your feelings, and what you do with them to help you feel better, will make this process seem more attainable for them if they need to use a relaxation skill for themself in the future.
In addition, be open to using professional support if it is needed, and don’t shy away from talking about your own use of professional support with your family. Talking about reaching out to resources can normalize for kids that sometimes we need help outside of the family.
Stay away from using catastrophic language
The way that we speak to each other, and to children, can sometimes send intense messages even if it isn’t intended. When people have a bad day, it’s common for the idea to be expressed in extreme ways, even if logically it isn’t true. For example, how many times have you heard someone say that they have had the “worst day EVER!” Using catastrophic language that makes a situation sound worse can create a spiral of anxiety for a child, and it also will make them more likely to express their own distress in this way. Part of managing anxiety is being able to recognize whether their worry is truly something dangerous, or if it is still stressful, but not as big of a deal. If all worries are expressed catastrophically, then each encounter with stress or anxiety will feel like something so terrible that it can’t be addressed. Moderating the way that we speak about anxiety can adjust the way we think about it too.
Avoid swooping in to save your child from experiencing anxiety
Watching your child struggle with anxiety can be really stressful, especially if you know what that feels like. Caregivers often have the urge to swoop in and do the thing that’s making the child anxious, rather than sitting through the experience of watching your child struggle with anxiety. By saving kids in these moments and taking over for them, we are giving them relief in the moment, but it makes it harder for children to face their fears later. Resisting the urge to swoop in could mean learning to tolerate your own anxiety around your child’s distress.
Pay attention to your own wellbeing and be mindful of caregiver burnout
Caregiver wellbeing has a large impact on the life of a child, and caring for yourself is a major way that you can care for your family too. Check out our recent webinar and blogs to learn more about the role of caregiver burnout in parenting.
Want to learn more?
- Watch our FREE anxiety webinar
- Read Helpful Tips for Parenting Anxious Kids and Talking About Anxiety
- Contact us